Well Hello again! It’s been awhile since I have written in this space. The interesting thing is that I am pretty confident in the fact that this cozy little space on the internet was meant for me. I created it back when I was super cloudy on my vision for my own life and was searching for some answers. That is not to say that I now see everything clearly. However, I will say that the lens is beginning to come more and more into focus everyday.
Over the past few months we moved across the country, my son started Kindergarten and I decided to end a relationship with a direct sales company that I had been apart of for the past year.
I have found myself in this space of constant soul searching and trying on different hats when it comes to writing and creating, experimenting with how food affects my body, and diving into the world of positive parenting. Yeah- its a lot! But I can say that I have never felt more alive or more true to myself. And it feels GOOD.
The beauty of this time in my life is that I actually HAVE time. My oldest is in all-day kindergarten and my youngest is in preschool half-days. These not-so-subtle changes have been giving me a taste of the freedom-of-choice. The key question…what will I do with my “free” time? (Quotes very much intended) These days, it seems as if the word “busy” is being tossed around more than a house salad. Which has brought me to a few realizations.
First of all, if I am going to experience true freedom and growth, I need to CHOOSE to be free and grow every day. The main thing I keep coming back to these past few months is, creating space. Space for ME. Space for activities that fill me up and allow me to reconnect to myself.
This means starting with clearing out the things that are no longer serving me on this new path.
I am a firm believer that whatever I choose to do, to spend my precious time on, needs to be cohesive, and truly bring together all of the things in my life that I find to be important. I want what I do with my “me” time to ADD to my marriage and my relationships on every level.
Starting with digging under the surface and into the gray area of what motivates me to get out of bed in the morning. What am I excited to do every day? What would I do for free and if nobody was watching on a daily basis?
These are all questions I am currently working on. Part of my process right now is going with the flow of where my energy is taking me on any given day. Like clearing my schedule to create margin and finally sitting down to write this blog post, a long time coming. Cutting anything and everything that’s not in line with my values and what I view as important, from playdates to unnecessary errands. Gone. Being ok with letting go enough to create the space to figure out what I truly want to fill it back up with.
One thing that’s helped, is that I’ve been listening to a lot of Podcasts lately (check out the links below to hear some of my favorites). This has become part of my journey in an interesting and unexpected way. I love listening to people tell their life stories. I feel like I’m a fly on the wall as two people have a deep conversation about life. It’s helpful to gain inspiration and create excitement about what is truly possible in this world. And far more fulfilling than my usual Real Housewives habit (which is ok too)!
WE REALLY CAN DO ANYTHING WE SET OUR MINDS TO!
Sorry for the cliché. Actually, I’m even sorrier that it’s become a cliché to say those words. It’s true. My goal with my daily routines and throughout this process is to BELIEVE this once again! Lots of exciting thoughts and dreams are floating around in my brain. I can’t wait to bring them into the realm of reality.
For now, I’m content with allowing myself time, space, and freedom in every possible way, in every realm of my life that I have control over. Clearly, some things are a must such as: my home, kids, marriage, etc. But I’m finding out that I have way more time and choices than I ever realized. This can be both exhilarating and scary.
Ever have that thought along the lines of…”ugh, I can’t wait for my husband to get home so he can take the kids to the park for an hour so I can be FREE”…then that exact thing happens and you find yourself sitting there, not sure what to do with the freedom once you have it?
That’s where I’m at. It comes down to the fact that I am pretty much deconstructing my life puzzle and mindfully picking out the pieces to put it back together in a way that looks and feels true to the core of who I am. More to the point, who God created me to be. We get one shot at this life. One chance to live a life that we are excited about and proud of. I want to look back when I’m on my death bed, with joy and peace.
Shocker…I definitely don’t have it all figured out. That’s why I love the saying “progress not perfection”! I’m constantly learning…and evolving…and choosing to be a better version of myself. Honestly, I’m sitting here writing this on my couch, sitting next to my three year old daughter- who we are currently sleep training.
She’s never been the best sleeper and has been coming into our bed for the past year. Which worked for a while but now, not so much. This is a current and overwhelming challenge that we are working through. I am doing my best to be patient, look to the future, and see the light!!! The light in this case will be sleeping through the night for the first time in 5 plus years, phew!
With the bigger picture in mind, the light at the end of the tunnel of recreating myself is a lovely vision of a woman at peace with herself – body, mind, and soul. Not that there ever really is an ENDING to the story that is our life because we are always evolving.
I do feel a bit fragile, but in the best possible way. I plan on taking baby steps and each day doing the next thing that feels right. The next step that sits well deep down in my gut!
Not to be a spoiler but…another gigantic piece of my growth puzzle is how I’m nourishing and taking care of my physical body. But…we’ll leave that for the next blog post, shall we?
Thanks for reading… Here are a few of my favorite podcasts currently- and the list is growing all the time, so I will keep you posted.
And please, if you are digging a podcast I would be honored to have you share it with me in the comments below!
Have an amazing day.
MY FAVORITE PODCASTS
1. That’s So Maven by Healthy Maven https://www.thehealthymaven.com/category/podcast
2. Party in My Plants http://partyinmyplants.com/the-podcast/
3. Coffee and Crumbs https://www.coffeeandcrumbs.net/#/podcast/
4. The Feel Good Effect http://www.realfoodwholelife.com/fge/
5. On Air with Ella http://onairwithella.com/on-air-with-ella-podcast/